Divorce or Stay Together

Should we divorce or stay together for the sake of the children?

Dear Tamara: My wife and I have been married for six years, but we’re currently separated and considering divorce. We are in counseling, but I’m ready to end the marriage. I’ve tried to tell my wife how I feel, but she refuses to accept that its over. My wife keeps pressuring me to stay in the marriage for the sake of our three children. Our children mean the world to me. I would do anything for them, but I’m not sure if staying in an unhappy marriage is the right thing to do. Please help!

S. Thomas

Dear S. Thomas: First, let me say how sorry I am about your circumstance. I don’t believe that people get married with the intent to get a divorce, so, I’m always empathetic when I hear about a marriage headed in that direction. However, every marriage relationship is different. Only you, your wife, and God, know the true dynamics of your marriage. So, no one, including me, can tell you to stay or that it’s time to move on. You, and only you, can decide what’s best for you and your children.

With that being said, please know that you are not alone. Many parents have been where you are and have had to make this difficult decision, including me. I too had to decide if staying married for the sake of my children was the right thing to do.

As parents, we try hard to do what’s best for our children. We make important decisions based on how we think the decision will affect our children. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it completely wrong. Parents are not perfect people. And while children are an important factor to consider when facing divorce, I have learned through my own experience that children are not the only factors we need to weigh and consider. In my particular case, staying for the sake of the children was not the best option for me or my children. My marriage relationship was not the example of marriage that I wanted to set for my children. The affects of divorce are unpredictable and so are the affects of a toxic and unhealthy relationship.

I wish you the best during this difficult time. Be prayerful as you think about what’s best for you and your family. Consider all of the factors surrounding your unique situation. I encourage you to continue counseling. Also, continue to communicate openly with your wife as you determine what works best for you, your family and your children.